Distance.

Another two days pass in a blur of school and distant conversations with Laura. The tensions between you seem to ebb and flow day to day. However, conversations like the one you’re having right now certainly don’t help…

[11:43 PM] Laura: Michael is so cultured, he knew all this obscure stuff about some of the pieces we were looking at today. And get this - he's an incredible painter himself! He showed me pics of his work and I was blown away. I can’t believe he hadn’t brought it up yet… Let me show you …

Her next message is links to an instagram profile.

You clench your jaw, trying to stay patient. There’s no way you’re clicking that.

[11:45 PM] You: That's really cool. Glad you had a nice day. Things are going fine in my classes. Lots more linear algebra this week, thrill of thrills.

[11:47 PM] Laura: Aww, sorry babe. I know that stuff can be dull.

[11:49 PM] Laura: Hey, I don’t have anything going on this morning and I’m in bed all alone…

You perk up at the hint of flirtation in her tone.

[11:51 PM] Laura: I've been thinking about you a lot today...about us. I miss the way you hold me

She leaves the suggestiveness hanging. You feel a pleasant warmth, your annoyance about Michael fading.

[11:53 PM] Laura: Maybe I could help you unwind from all that boring math...if you know what I mean ;)

[11:55 PM] You: I'd like that. I've been missing you too...more than you know.

[11:58 PM] Laura: Oh really? How much have you been missing me? ;)

[12:00 AM] You: So much that I can't get you out of my mind, even when I'm trying to focus on my studies. You're a very sexy distraction.

[12:03 AM] Laura: Mmm, I like the sound of that. Being your sexy distraction. What are you thinking about right now?

[12:05 AM] You: I'm thinking about you completely naked in a certain lake...

[12:08 AM] Laura: Oh, yeah? What else are you thinking about?

[12:10 AM] You: I'm thinking about how soft your skin feels against mine...how your lips taste...how I'd love to feel you against me right now…

[12:13 AM] Laura: Oh I like where this is going… What would you do if you were here with me right now?

[12:15 AM] You: If I was there with you right now, I’d start with a kiss.

[12:17 AM] Laura: And then?

[12:19 AM] You: Then, I'd trail kisses down your neck, taking my time to explore every inch of you. I'd unbutton your shirt slowly, savoring the anticipation in your eyes.

[12:22 AM] Laura: You're making me blush... and what next?

You record a voice message, whispering softly into your phone, “I'd slide my hand under your shirt, feeling the warmth of your skin against my palm. I'd trace my fingers along the edge of your bra, teasing you before I unhook it…”

[12:27 AM] Laura: Oh, you're good at this. I can almost feel your touch...

[12:29 AM] You: I want you to imagine my hands on you, my lips on yours... I want you to remember how good we are together.

[12:33 AM] Laura: Oh I remember just fine, but maybe you need something to help jog your memory… jump on a call with me? Vid?

[12:34 AM] You: YES!

You thumb the call button hastily. After a moment, your screen flickers to life, and there she is. Your breath catches in your throat. Her eyes meet yours through the camera, full of desire and anticipation. You can see the rise and fall of her chest with each breath she takes. The sight of her sends a wave of longing through you, so strong it nearly takes your breath away.

“Hey you…”

“Hey you.”

“God you’re beautiful.”

“Oh yeah? Want to see?”

You watch as she takes a deep breath, her chest rising and falling slowly. The room is dimly lit by the drawn shades, but you can see her clearly in the morning light that makes it’s way through. The soft glow illuminates her skin, making it look ethereal. Her eyes never leave the camera, holding your gaze as she starts to move.

"Laura," you say, your voice a low whisper through the phone. "Don't rush, let me see you..."

“Ok, let me get cozy and I’ll get started…”

The sounds of her soft sighs come through the speakers, making your heart race. You can hear the rustle of fabric as she moves her hand beneath the covers, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment before she opens them again to look at you.

You watch as she shows you what she's doing, her hand moving rhythmically under the sheet. Her other hand moves up to her chest, lightly teasing a nipple. The sight of her, lost in the throes of pleasure, is intoxicating.

"Yes, that’s so good," you say, your voice rough with desire. "Just like that..." You are working on yourself, too, already rock hard.

With each sound she makes, each movement of her hand, you imagine being there with her, touching her, feeling her.

Her breath starts to come faster, the rhythm of her movements becoming more rapid. You can see the tension in her body as she gets closer to the edge, her soft moans turning into gasps.

"That's it, Laura," you encourage, your own arousal mounting as you watch her. "Don't hold back... let me see you come… pull back the camera for me"

Her eyes lock onto yours through the screen, the intensity of her gaze sending shivers down your spine. She bites her lip, a telltale sign that she's close. The sight of her, on the brink of climax, makes your heart pound in your chest.

You can feel your own body responding to the sight and sounds of her pleasure. You imagine being there with her, the thought of being buried deep within her as she climaxes driving you closer to your own edge.

"God, Laura... I'm close..." you admit, your voice ragged. The intimacy of the moment, even through a screen, is overwhelming.

Her eyes flutter shut as she nods, her movements and the sound of her breathless whimpers indicating she's right there with you.

Her movements are now frantic, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps. The sight of her so lost in pleasure sends a jolt of arousal through you, your own body aching with desire.

"That's it, Laura," you pant, your voice rough. "Just a little more... let go for me..."

And then, just as you're both on the edge, there's a sudden sharp knock on the door. Laura's eyes fly open, her hand freezing mid-motion.

"Laura? Are you okay?" a male voice calls out from the other side of the door.

For a moment, all you can see is the panic in Laura's eyes, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. The spell is broken, the intimacy of the moment disrupted by the unexpected interruption. You both freeze.

"Laura!" The voice calls again, more urgent this time.

"Oh God," Laura gasps, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Shit! I... I forgot. I have plans this morning."

"Wait, Laura who–" you start, but she's already shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, I have to go, I’ll text you, sorry, I need to get dressed, I…" she says hurriedly, her eyes darting to the door. Without another word, she ends the call.

You're left staring at the now blank screen, your heart still pounding from the interrupted climax. The sudden end to the call leaves you stunned, the anticipation replaced by a heavy silence.

What the fuck?

≋ ≋ ≋

After a frustrated cold shower, you return to your phone, and thankfully, there’s texts.

[1:05 AM] Laura: OMG I'm so so sorry, I completely lost track of time and Michael was already at my door to walk me to class.

Your fingers clench around your phone at the sight of Michael's name. Of course. Frustration bubbles up inside you as you think about Laura hastily ending your call because of him.

[1:08 AM] You: I mean, you literally left me with my dick in my hand there.

Your message is sharper than you intended, but the frustration wins over your better judgment.

[1:10 AM] Laura: I knowwww I feel so bad 😩 i really am sorry. And also worked up and frustrated. Stupid of me. Can I make it up to you soon?

You stare at her message, feeling a twinge of guilt for snapping at her. You know Laura. There's no way she would be having a call like THAT with you and then pivot to another guy in an… intimate way. But still. That sucks.

Taking a deep breath, you try to calm yourself down. You're still aching with the after-effects of the cold shower and the unsatisfied desire, but you push it aside.

"Michael is just a friend," you remind yourself, although a part of you still seethes with resentment.

[1:13 AM] You: Yes, please. Ok, I really need to go to bed. I’m exhausted, and I have class in the morning.

[1:15 AM] Laura: Ok babe, I love you, and I really did like watching you…

[1:17 AM] You: Love you too, have a good day.

You flop your phone onto the night stand and breathe out a heavy sigh, counting down the hours before you have to get up.

≋ ≋ ≋

The pattern continues, life feeling like an endless grind. Time is drawn out, your days full of varying activities and classes, and yet it’s passing in a blink. Your conversations with Laura in stolen moments in mornings and at night grow shorter and more terse as she fully subsumes herself in her studies. And friends. Friend? …

The only time you really find to relax is in the gaps between classes. Like right now, one where you find yourself headed to hang out with Jo. She’s sprawled out on the grassy quad, messing around on her phone. As you approach, she looks up, waving eagerly.

"There he is, my favorite stand-in for Laura!" she greets you enthusiastically.

You just give her a weary smile, and flop down onto the grass, enjoying a moment to think about nothing.

"Ah, classes that bad huh, or are you just hung over? Don’t tell me you’ve been partying without me! That’s against the rules!” She pouts at you.

“I wish. Maybe that’s what I need, a good rager. Just let out some of this stress.”

“Ahh, you should just give up on engineering. Communications is where it’s at, let me tell ya. I’m already so good at it, so it’s a walk in the park. I’ve got all the time to drink in the world. Hey, want to drink together? Beer beer beer!”

You smile, still laying on your back with your eyes closed.

“By the way, how are things with your faraway mademoiselle?" Jo asks. "Any juicy gossip to share with her bestie?"

You hesitate. "Well..."

Jo gasps dramatically. "Oh no, do I detect trouble in paradise?"

You sigh, picking at the grass. "I don't know. It's been kind of rough and tense lately. We're both just stressed and busy I guess."

Jo makes a sympathetic face and pats your shoulder. "Aw, I'm sorry. I mean I don’t even get to text her at all anymore, this time thing makes it so hard.”

You smile wearily. “Yeah, that’s part of it. But I don’t know, it feels like we’re just living separate lives now...” Your smile turns into a frown, “sometimes I feel like the only time we both get really excited to be staring at our phones is when we’re sexting…”

Jo perks up, but maintains a concerned face. “Hey, at least you’re still sexting. That’s good! I’m not even getting that action.” She frowns in a contemplative way, then moves on.

“Anyways, tell me what’s wrong! Vent to me! Let it all out. Complaining is good for the soul."

You laugh wryly. "Careful what you wish for."

Jo grins. "Seriously, lay it on me!"

You proceed to tell Jo about the arguments, the strain of opposite schedules, and the constant irritation about Michael. She listens intently, making outraged noises at appropriate moments.

"Ugh, fuck Michael. All my homies hate Michael," she declares when you finish.

You nod solemnly, thinking. Do you want to tell Jo about this? Eh, why not. “And that’s not even the worst of it …” you launch into the story about getting interrupted. Jo makes appropriately exasperated gasps.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! She left you without finishing?! She left you with BLUE BALLS?” Her raised voice draws some stares.

You flush, “Ok ok, keep your voice down. But yes, she did. Not fun. You know, she even sent me a link to his insta. I mean come on, no way I’m looking at that.”

Jo shakes her head firmly. "Oh we are SO stalking him. I need to get a look at this homewrecker."

You hesitate, “he’s not a- “but she's already grabbed your phone. "What's his handle?"

You sigh and tell her. She eagerly types it in and pulls up his profile.

"Hmm, not bad looking I guess," she muses as she scrolls through photos of a dark haired skinny guy and abstract art you’re not sure is good or not.

And then: Laura, at a table with him at a Parisian cafe. A selfie, his arm stretched out to include her and some others in the photo. But all you can see is him sitting next to her. You feel your gut twist unpleasantly.

"Ok that's enough stalking for now," you say tersely, taking your phone back.

Jo makes a sympathetic face and squeezes your arm. "Hey, don't let it get to you. She's just excited to have a new friend. I'm sure it's nothing."

You nod, trying to believe her words. "Yeah...you're probably right."

“That’s the thing. He seems nice, and it’s good for Laura to be making connections, but it just, I dunno, I’m feeling like shit about it. It's been difficult. But I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually. Or I’ll figure it out, I guess.”

Getting all this out makes you feel better, seeing that picture makes you feel worse. You have no idea how to process these emotions, in fact, you’re way too tired to. You sigh, deciding to move on, “All right, I don’t want to think about it. What about you, Jo, any drama lately?"

Jo, never one to pass up an opportunity to talk about herself, launches enthusiastically into a tirade about her own romantic woes. It’s nice to hear her ramble, it helps put your problems in perspective. You find yourself getting caught up in her strange perceptions about dating. She really does have a unique (warped?) worldview, but her humor and candor are cathartic. Eventually, she winds down.

"Alright, enough moping, from both of us!" she proclaims. "Let's focus on the positives."

You look at her quizzically. "Like what?"

"Like how you're smart, you have great hair, and damn, those engineering majors must really hit the gym!"

She squeezes your bicep approvingly. You flush, remembering Jo’s eyes on your body during your quasi-threesome-voyer experience. You banish the thought.

"I bet Laura is really missing that eye candy in boring old Paris," Jo continues with a mischievous grin. "Michael looks like a total nerd. He definitely can't fill out a shirt like you can."

She playfully pats your chest, making you laugh self-consciously. "Alright alright, I get the picture," you say, gently swatting her hand away as you both laugh.

"What can I say, Jo calls it like Jo sees it," Jo says with an exaggerated wink. "Now get to class and knock 'em dead, handsome!"

You stand up and head out, smiling. As you do, Jo gives you a firm smack on the ass, hitting you with a trademark salacious grin. You just shake your head and head off, smiling. She can really lighten your mood. Thank god she’s not in Paris too, or this quarter would really suck.

≋ ≋ ≋

Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how you feel after the day you just had. Your engineering profs have been piling on the assignments, expecting nothing less than perfection. The algorithms and equations blurred together into an incomprehensible mess in your worn-out brain.

And art history was even worse. The stern professor called you out again for not having completed the extensive reading last class. Her glare made it clear she still hadn't forgiven the tardiness on that disastrous first day. You stumbled through a half-formed answer about the Baroque period under her harsh scrutiny.

By the time you collapsed into your dorm room bed, you were completely drained both mentally and physically. The nonstop demands of your course load this quarter have certainly taken their toll. All you want is to shut your eyes and escape reality for a few hours.

But of course, there's no rest for the weary. Just as you're drifting off, your phone buzzes insistently - a text from Laura. With a mix of excitement and apprehension, you peek at the screen, wondering what she has to say…

[11:02 PM] Laura: Hey... um, so Jen mentioned something to me earlier and I just wanted to check in about it?

[11:03 PM] You: Oh? What did she say? who is she again…

[11:04 PM] Laura: idk if you met her, another girl in our dorm. but she said she saw Jo slap your butt on the quad? And you were talking about sex or something? I'm trying not to jump to conclusions but... it's a lot

[11:07 PM] You: Ah, that? Jo was just being her usual self. You know how she is when she's in a playful mood. any mood. yeah we were just joking around after class. you’ve seen her slap my ass like, 10 times

[11:11 PM] Laura: Yeah, I know. It's just... with me here and you there, things feel different. I’m not there. we talked about it. Jen said it seemed more flirty than friendly?

[11:11 PM] Laura: she was touching your arms and stuff? I don't know maybe I'm just being crazy but it didn't sit right with me

[11:12 PM] You: Seriously? you're reading too much into it.

[11:12 PM] You: what do you have spies or something? It was just a quick, silly moment. Jo and I are friends you know our history

[11:13 PM] Laura: come on. With everything happening between us lately, someone having to text me about Jo get close to you like that that

[11:14 PM] Laura: like she's crossing a line. especially with the way our relationship with her has been

[11:15 PM] You: Are you saying I’m crossing a line? I didn’t do anything. you're overthinking it. Literally just hanging out.

[11:17 PM] Laura: Ok but it doesn’t matter. you're brushing this off. Like you're not taking how I feel seriously.

[11:18 PM] You: I am taking you seriously. It's just it's Jo. I don’t like being accused. We’re friends

[11:20 PM] Laura: yeah but things between us three aren’t like normal friends I've seen the way you look at her especially that night when she watched us

[11:21 PM] You: Seriously? You're being ridiculous. We hang out sometimes, is there something wrong with that?

[11:24 PM] Laura: If it's so innocent why didn't you mention it? Why am I hearing about it from someone else? I'm starting to feel like you're keeping things from me. I know how Jo is and honestly I wouldn't put it past her to make a move on you

[11:28 PM] You: oh so you're worried about Jo? Really? At least I've known her for ages. Meanwhile, you're In Paris with Michael every day. Who's this guy? Seems like you're suddenly very close with him. And I don’t have anyone to text me about him spanking you

[11:35 PM] Laura: wtf?! you know there's nothing going on with Michael. We. go. to. class. friends. studying. That's it. I can't believe you're bringing him into this. You're so out of line.

[11:37 PM] You: yeah? Well I’m not the one who brought up the accusations here. I didn’t even bring up the fact that I saw you on his insta

[11:38 PM] Laura: Are you kidding me?! I can't believe you you’re being bitter and twisted. I didn’t even accuse you. I just asked whats going on

[11:38 PM] Laura: Where the hell is this even coming from?

[11:39 PM] You: You're the one who started with the accusations, remember?

[11:41 PM] Laura: maybe I'm just concerned because I give a shit about our relationship. Since you hardly text me it's starting to feel like I'm the only one who does.

[11:42 PM] You: You know how swamped I've been. Between engineering and art history its just too much and you chose to jet off to the other side of the world, remember?

[11:44 PM] Laura: Are you seriously throwing that in my face? You're the one who encouraged me to go!!! Or do you just like to pretend to be a supportive boyfriend?

[11:47 PM] You: hard to support you when you’re drifting away... I'm just struggling to know where we stand anymore.

[11:49 PM] Laura: you know where we stand, what now it's my fault? Every choice I made, I made thinking about us about our future.

[11:50 PM] Laura: Maybe I was stupid to think distance wouldn’t be a problem but I never expected you to throw it back at me.

[11:51 PM] You: I'm not trying to blame you. I'm sorry. everything feels so uncertain right now. I miss you and it's messing with my head.

[11:52 PM] Laura: Seriously? "I miss you"? You think that's enough to make up for that shit you JUST said? Am I not allowed to have friends?

[11:55 PM] You: Is that what you think this is? Just me being jealous? Maybe it's just a excuse

[11:56 PM] You: are you trying to find reasons to end things with us? So you can enjoy the Parisian single life without me holding you back?

[11:58 PM] Laura: I can't believe you just said that. Do you really think of me like that? That I'd want to ditch you the moment I'm surrounded by new people? I went to Paris for my education not to live some fantasy single life. I'm trying to find a balance here, but you’re making it hard

[12:01 AM] You: just feel like im losing you. The stories, the new friends, Michael. I feel sidelined

[12:03 AM] Laura: I can't deal with this now. You're making me wonder if this is even worth it. All we do that you seem to like is when I send you naked pictures

[12:05 AM] You: So what are you saying? You want to end things? Am I just a distraction? Because I'm struggling to see where I fit into your new life.

[12:06 AM] Laura: That's not what I meant! You’re being so fucking difficult

[12:10 AM] You: I’m stressed. I can’t handle all this, it’s like my only time I get to talk with you it’s michael this, michael that

[12:14 AM] Laura: Are you serious?! Stop being such a jealous prick. This isn't about Michael or Jo. This is about us, about trust, connection that's fading. But with accusations like that, I don’t even know if we have something left to save

[12:15 AM] You: It's hard to feel like it’s not about Michael and Jo when every conversation we have ends up about Michael or Jo. especially when you’re about to come and he shows up.

[12:17 AM] Laura: Fine. You need some space to figure out what you really want. Because right now? I can't do this

[12:18 AM] Laura: bye

≋ ≋ ≋

In the harsh light of day following the blow up, you feel awful. Laura's devastated parting words keep replaying in your mind on an endless loop.

You barely slept a wink last night, tormenting yourself by compulsively rereading the entire explosive text thread. Seeing your own hurtful accusations and Laura's stunned, wounded responses spelled out fills you with shame and regret.

You let your irritation and insecurity get the better of you in the heat of the moment. But that's no excuse. Your stupid fingers just kept running away from you, flinging thoughtless insults and exaggerations.

And now there's a Laura-sized hole in your heart. Your whole being aches for her - the musical sound of her laugh, her sly wit... This ugly fight has created unbearable distance between you, even more than the miles.

You mope around your dorm the next day, unable to focus on anything. You skip all your classes, unable to face the daunting coursework. How can you concentrate on algorithms and equations when your relationship hangs by a thread?

Even the thought of facing Jo after that makes you cringe. Laura must think so poorly of you now. You were defending your innocent friendship with Jo, but in the most damning way possible by attacking Laura. The whole thing is an awful mess.

Re-reading the messages, you feel like this whole Michael thing is stupid, you feel it deep in your soul. You know you’re in the wrong. Why would she talk about him so much to you if something was up? She’d hide it. She’s too sweet to enthusiastically talk about him while carrying on an affair. She’s not a psycho. You're a little scared and uncomfortable that stress pushed all those words out of you.

You can't bring yourself to respond to Jo's usual breezy texts, letting her overtures go unanswered. Right now you just need to wallow alone in your melancholy. Your bed is the only place that makes sense.

By the second day after the fight, the silence from Laura grows deafening. You alternate between compulsively checking your phone and resisting the urge to reach out, not wanting to pressure her.

You book some time with a therapist to talk about your emotions, and maybe figure out how to bottle less and deal with stress better. An appointment in 4 months. Great, super helpful. At least it’s something for the future. But it doesn’t help now.

You ache to call Laura, to hear her voice, to tell her how deeply sorry you are and how willing you are to take responsibility for the hurt you caused. You desperately want the chance to apologize sincerely and try to make amends. You settle on a text for now:

[2:07 AM] You: I’m sorry

Quickly, it flips to “read”, filling you with hope. You wait. And wait. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours. As they pass by, you feel yourself unraveling at the lack of resolution. You need to make this right somehow or you'll lose your mind.

You rack your brain trying to figure out how to undo the damage you've inflicted on the relationship. A grand romantic gesture? Groveling apologies? But nothing feels sufficient to heal these deep hurts.

You even wonder morosely if this is it - if you've finally irreparably broken the profound connection you shared. But you force yourself to shake off that thought. You have to hold on to hope that your love is stronger than this crisis. You have to believe things can be mended over time.

So you focus on picturing that future reconciliation. When Laura's hurt has subsided enough for her to be willing to talk again. When you'll have the chance to humbly take responsibility and apologize sincerely. When you'll listen with an open heart as she shares her own perspective. When you'll work together to rebuild what your thoughtless actions shattered.

It fills you with renewed resolve. Your path forward is clear, even if the timing remains uncertain. For now, your job is to wait and prepare yourself to do the work when Laura is ready.

The waiting proves agonizing. Each hour without contact feels like an eternity. You oscillate between determination to make things right and fear that you’ve ruined everything forever.

In an effort to stay occupied, you throw yourself back into your classes. But focusing is a constant struggle. Algorithms blur together meaninglessly when all you can think about is Laura. Even your art history professor’s glare lacks its usual bite.

Jo continues reaching out, confused by your withdrawal and silence. The thought of explaining everything right now is unbearable, so you simply cite a busy week. It’s not exactly a lie. Just an omission of the soul-crushing truth. At least Laura hasn’t told her what you said, a small mercy.

In quiet moments, you look at the topographic map, reminiscing over happier memories. You cling to the hope that you’ll create new moments like that again someday. You dare to hope she’s wearing the pendant you got her.

Nights are the loneliest. You lay awake for hours, composing unsent texts to Laura in your head. Paragraphs explaining how deeply sorry you are, how willing you are to change, how desperately you want the chance to learn and grow from this. And most of all, how profoundly ready you are to put in the work if she’ll meet you halfway.

For now, sending those vulnerable thoughts into the void feels pointless. But you store them up, rehearsing for when the time comes. You focus on being ready to reciprocate tenfold if Laura extends even the smallest olive branch.

The waiting continues, excruciating but necessary. You steel yourself with patience and faith that your love can weather this storm. And you vow that when… if… the clouds finally part, you’ll never take Laura for granted again.

≋ ≋ ≋

You're lying in bed, phone clutched tightly in your hand as you have been the past few nights. Waiting anxiously for any word from Laura. You must have drafted a hundred unsent messages trying to find the right words to break the silence.

When your phone buzzes at last, your heart leaps. Finally! Hands shaking, you look at the screen expecting to see Laura's name. But instead an unknown number appears. You frown in confusion.

The previewed message reads simply: "We need to talk."

Puzzled, you open it up to see the full text:

"Hey, it's Zoe, Laura's cousin. We need to talk ASAP. It's important."