otherworlderotic
A few days later, you sit in yet another difficult engineering class. Somehow, this one is even worse. Already in week one this stuff is over your head. As he scrawls illegible equations on the board, you sigh. Looks like you’ll be doing most of your learning for this one on youtube and going through the textbook. Why do they even have professors this bad on staff? Who cares what arcane algorithm he discovered in like, the 70s.
You sit there stewing, unable to focus on the lecture. Frustration wells up inside you - this class - this quarter, your relationship - it’s all shaping up to be brutally difficult.
Your leg bounces restlessly as your mind spins. Laura didn’t text you at all last night during her day. It’s been a little rocky since your mistake, with her being a bit distant. Or she’s just really busy. In any case, it's not fair for her to hound you over a simple mistake. You were just trying to do something romantic for her by taking that art history elective. But now with her gone, the gesture feels empty.
The time difference is proving to be a constant obstacle. You miss her, but connecting is already a chore with your opposite schedules. You aren’t exactly a morning person.
It's only been a few days, but the strain is already showing. You just didn't anticipate how hard this would be.
Class drags on endlessly as your aggravation mounts. By the time it ends, you're worked up into a state. You already feel behind. Back at your dorm, you begin drafting a long message to Laura, emotions boiling over:
[12:06 PM] You: Hey, I'm really trying here, but this long distance thing is turning out to be harder than I expected. Already. I signed up for that early morning art history class just so we could share it together. But now with you gone, it's just an extra burden on me. I was late before because I wanted to do something romantic for us. But that backfired, and now I have a stupid 8 AM class to go to. I'm not intentionally ignoring you or being distant. I just have a lot going on with challenging classes this quarter. The time difference doesn't help either - I feel like we keep missing each other. And I’m nervous about all the experiences you’re having. And I get that you're frustrated adjusting to Paris, but please don't take that out on me and leave me hanging. I'm trying my best to be there for you. But I have a life and responsibilities here too. You chose to go abroad without me, so we both have to deal with that. I just feel like you're not appreciating how hard this is for me too. I'm doing everything I can to make this work.
You read over the message, wincing at the harsh tone. But the venting feels cathartic after bottling up your aggravation. Before you can overthink it, you hit send.
Immediately regret sets in. That could have been worded more gently. But you’re pissed, and besides, it's too late now, the message is sent.
You toss your phone aside, not expecting a reply any time soon with the time difference. Trying to distract yourself, you open your engineering textbook to start on homework problems. This is stupid. You might as well be holding the book upside down, focusing is impossible with the argument with Laura weighing on you.
The phone remains silent, leaving an unsettled feeling in the pit of your stomach, worse than before. You check your phone, long pressing on the message, hoping an “unsend” option appears. Now that you’ve cooled off… that was dumb. You could have written something a lot more… gentle. Nope. Fuck.
You've got hours of tense waiting ahead before Laura wakes up and sees the message. All you can do now is hope she understands where you're coming from. With a sigh, you try again to concentrate on your schoolwork.
≋ ≋ ≋
That night, you decide to stay up late in hopes of chatting with Laura when she wakes up in Paris. You know you need to smooth things over after that impulsive message.
Curled up in bed, you stare at your silent phone as the hours tick by. The words scroll through your mind, filling you with regret. You should have been more understanding about her struggles abroad. Venting your own stress was selfish.
You debate sending another message to walk things back before she reads the original. But no - better to talk in real time if possible. Anything else might just make the situation worse. Right? You’re conflicted, but decide to go with letting it stand.
So you wait anxiously, fighting off sleep. As it nears 2am, your eyes grow heavy. You struggle to stay awake, willing your phone to light up with a call from Laura.
But the screen remains dark. Eventually exhaustion overtakes you, phone still clasped tightly in your hand. Your eyes flutter closed as you drift off into restless sleep.
≋ ≋ ≋
You wake blearily the next morning, neck sore from an awkward sleeping position. As you peel your phone off your chest, hitting the wake button, the screen flashes a low battery warning before going dark.
Cursing under your breath, you fumble for your charger and plug it in anxiously. As the phone boots up, a flurry of text notifications flood the screen. Laura. Bracing yourself, you open the messages:
[4:12 AM] Laura: Are you serious?? I can't believe you right now.
[4:16 AM] Laura: After everything I told you I'm struggling with here, you want to throw a tantrum about having to wake up early? And you call art history stupid?
[4:19 AM] Laura: I'm sorry I've been frustrated but hello, TOTAL life change going on over here??
[4:24 AM] Laura: You have no idea how hard it is trying to adjust to living in another country where you don't know anyone or speak the language.
[4:28 AM] Laura: everything is confusing and overwhelming and sometimes I just want to give up and go home. But I'm pushing through because this experience is so important to me.
[4:36 AM] Laura: The least you could do is try to understand and be a supportive boyfriend instead of making this about you you you.
[4:41 AM] Laura: I'm doing this amazing challenging thing and I just want to feel like you have my back. But clearly that's too much to ask right now.
You read through the texts, emotions swirling - anger at her harsh words, regret about your own, sadness at missing her. It's a lot to process. Mostly, you feel shame.
Racing against the clock, you leave Laura a heartfelt voice message before sprinting off to class:
"Hey, I'm so sorry about everything. I woke up to your texts but my phone was dead all night. I must've fallen asleep holding it, hoping you'd call.” You take a breath and continue, “I know that message I sent was really harsh and selfish. I was just stressed and took it out on you unfairly. You're going through so much over there trying to adjust. I should be supporting you, not making it harder from far away. I…”
You pause, collecting yourself, “I… It just stung in the moment because I was late for class after choosing it specifically to share with you. I wanted to do something romantic that would bring us closer together. But instead it just made everything harder, which is the opposite of what I intended.”
You continue, “Still, that's no excuse to get so defensive and lash out at you. I really want us to get through this rough patch together. You're right - we need to keep communicating and trying to understand each other's situations. I'll do a better job being there for you, I promise.”
Another deep breath, and you finish your heartfelt words, “Anyway, I have to run to class now and can't take my phone because it needs to charge. But I'll text you as soon as I'm out, hopefully we can talk more then. If you're up early tomorrow morning in Paris, maybe we could try a video call before you start your day? … I miss you so much. I'm sorry again for being a jerk. I love you, we'll figure this out. Okay, got to go - talk to you soon!"
You end the message feeling a little better having said your piece. Leaving your phone plugged in, you rush out the door and sprint across campus, eager to resolve things further with Laura soon. For now, you just hope the voice message conveys your sincerity.
With renewed determination, you head into your engineering class. It won't be easy, but you're ready to put in the effort - both here and in your relationship.
≋ ≋ ≋
The day passes in a blur of complex lectures and daunting assignments. Your engineering classes are proving even more challenging than anticipated. The rigorous course load requires your full focus just to keep up.
By the time classes end, exhaustion sets in both mentally and physically. But there's no rest for the weary - several hours of homework already await.
Walking back to your dorm, you mull over the events of the past few days. The difficult start of this quarter has been a wake up call. You clearly have your work cut out for you academically. And your relationship with Laura will require effort too, despite the distance.
Settling in at your desk, you make a resolution. No more distractions or excuses - from here on out, you'll fully dedicate yourself. To excel at your demanding coursework. To communicate openly and stay connected with Laura. And to manage it all so you can thrive both individually and as a couple.
This revitalized focus energizes you. The road ahead looks long - but you're ready to travel it. You dig into your homework, determined to make progress one step at a time.
You work diligently through the evening, making steady progress on your engineering assignments. The concepts start to click as you immerse yourself in the material. Late in the evening fatigue sets in, but you push through to finish the last few problems.
Satisfied with the work you accomplished, you hop in the shower before bed. As you get out, you check your phone, and your heart skips a beat: a few messages from Laura. Eagerly, you open them:
[11:12 PM] Laura: I got your voicemail. Thank you for saying all of that - it really meant a lot. I was definitely too harsh in some of my texts too. This is just a tough situation for both of us. But we'll figure it out together.
[11:15 PM] Laura: I'd love to try a video call. Are you awake now?
[11:21 PM] Laura: Hope you’re doing ok with classes. 💜 I'm sure your engineering courses will keep you busy! But you've got this. You’re a smart nerd. 🤓 And I know we'll both work hard at this relationship too.
You smile reading Laura's warm messages, feeling the tension between you dissipate. Quickly, you type back that you’re around for a call. In moments, the call alert comes through. Hastily, you thumb answer, still in a towel.
As soon as her face pops up on your screen, the stress of the last few days melts away.
It's the first time you've seen her, at least moving, since she left for Paris. Her soft smile makes your insides melt, despite the fight.
"Hey you," she says softly.
"Hey yourself," you reply, drinking in the sight of her.
A silence hangs between you, both just looking at each other for a moment. This is the first real disagreement you've had as a couple. But seeing Laura now, her beauty radiant even via video chat, reminds you how special what you have is.
"I've missed you so much," you finally say. "It's so good to see your face and hear your voice."
Laura's eyes glisten. "Me too. That was hard." She pauses, then continues gently. "I'm sorry too for some of my texts. I was extra sensitive about everything and took it out on you unfairly."
You shake your head. "You had every right to be upset. I was selfish and lashed out instead of being supportive. I’m the asshole here."
"Well, we both made mistakes," Laura says. "Can we… not talk about it? And just relax together for a minute before I start my day? I love you."
Her words make your heart swell. "I love you too. Relaxing sounds good.” You fumble for how to continue, settling on simple: “How’s Paris?"
It was the right move. Laura opens up, her eyes lighting up as she starts describing Paris.
"It's incredible! Overwhelming, but in the best way. There's so much history and art everywhere you look…” Laura continues recounting her adventures, the excitement clear in her voice. You listen intently, enjoying seeing her passion emerge as she settles into her new surroundings.
After a few minutes, Laura pauses and smiles warmly at you through the screen. "Thanks for letting me ramble about all this. It’s helping with the adjustment, processing and all that."
"Of course," you reply. "I'm so proud of you for taking this leap. And I want to help you, make it easier and more fun… and not, you know, make it harder. Like before. I’m sorry."
Laura beams. "You are helping. Thank you. Well, tell me what's going on with you too! How were your classes today?"
You give her a quick recap, taking the opportunity to vent yourself. Eventually you lose track of time, joking feeling connected again. You bask in finally feeling together again despite the miles between you.
As you stifle a yawn, you realize it's gotten late. "I should let you get some sleep," you say reluctantly.
"Ugh, I’ve got to get going too. I just want to cuddle you in bed," Laura replies wistfully.
"Soon, my love," you assure her. "For now, sweet dreams."
You blow each other kisses as you say goodnight. After you hang up, your heart feels full.
≋ ≋ ≋
Over the next two weeks, life settles into a busy routine for both of you. As predicted, your engineering classes prove grueling, the advanced concepts stretching your mental capacity. The art history elective also demands extensive reading, analysis, and memorization that feels more like a chore than anything else.
Meanwhile in Paris, Laura gradually adjusts to her new surroundings. Her days are packed exploring the city, practicing her French, and bonding with classmates. She regales you with stories of her adventurous outings.
You try your best to share in her excitement, but can't help feeling a twinge of jealousy hearing about those adventures, and the people she’s going on them with. In particular, her stories about Michael tend to irk. Something about the way her eyes light up when she talks about him, this charming, worldly upperclassman… he’s taken Laura under his wing. You know it's irrational, but his constant presence irks you nonetheless. Still, you keep these insecurities to yourself to avoid seeming petty or possessive.
Despite the busy schedules, you make an effort to connect daily. But between cute conversations and professions of love, your conversations grow increasingly strained under the pressure of assignments, projects, and exams piling up. Without the steady stream of cute pictures, you don’t know if you could handle the separation.
≋ ≋ ≋
One late night, Laura catches you studying:
[11:04 PM Laura]: Hey babe! Today we’re doing our first Louvre visit as a class. Like an honest, “sit in the same wing and look at stuff in detail” visit. I’m so excited!
[11:06 PM You]: Ugh I’m cramming memorizing the names of painters and paintings I’ve never heard of until this week for a quiz tomorrow. Don’t remind me.
[11:08 PM Laura]: Oh wow, yeah that sounds intense...I'm sure you'll do great though! Anyways, after class I’m going with Michael and some friends to a cool cafe in the 10th. He said the hot chocolate is to die for! Wish I was going with you.
You stifle an annoyed sigh at the mention of Michael yet again.
[11:14 PM You]: Uh huh. Well hot chocolate would definitely knock me out right now, I’d go for coffee.
An awkward pause.
[11:17 PM Laura]: Oh, ok. So are you going to get to bed soon? It's getting late there right?
[11:20 PM You]: Probably not for a while. I've still got a ton of dead guy paintings to get through.
[11:22 PM Laura]: Sorry babe. Don't work too hard! I should let you focus though. Love you!
[11:23 PM You]: Yeah, talk tomorrow. Love you too.
You put down your phone, tension lingering. With so much occupying your minds individually, connecting can feel more like a chore than anything else. As much as you keep doubling down, promising to make it work, this whole thing just sucks. As you begrudgingly return to your flash cards of incredibly boring Russian Icons, weariness sets in. Is this really going to be sustainable?
